A common question of my wise mother: “Why do you have to travel all over the world to find happiness?”. Followed by a good advice: “It’s not a geographical journey, it’s a journey inside you”. Although my mother and I have the kind of relationship in which we can argue about life issues, I have to admit that it makes sense. But for some reason I keep on feeling restless and less inspired back home.

I feel like I am working towards a goal I’m not aiming for. It feels like in Holland we’re working hard to get a good job, to buy a good house, to drive a good car and built a stable home with a nice little garden and a Golden retriever. None of them have, at the moment, any influence on my feeling of happiness. I mean if you have all of that, what is the next stage? Live happily ever after? It kind of reminds me of a story of me and my older sister when we were young. We went to the sandpit with a lot of toys, but afraid of losing them by sharing with other children, we decided to dig a hole, bury our toys and sit on it for the whole afternoon. So, not inspired by that picture of the future, I have to find another source of motivation.

Every now and then, after a good conversation, after meeting interesting people, seeing a fascinating documentary or visiting a special place I find some of the energy back. My head starts filling itself with numerous plans like I refilled my energy levels and pressed the gas pedal all the way down. But after a while I feel like I’m running out of gas and there are not enough gas stations to fill me back up. While during my last visit here in Cape Town I felt my energy levels rising to the top. Can be caused by the fact that it was a new experience or that I met a bunch of great people through the research I was performing. But one thing I can’t ignore is the positive energy I felt and the big smile I had on my face after this trip.

Back here, I experience the same feeling again. This time with six months ahead of me to figure out if it is temporary, or if I really feel more productive, energized, motivated, balanced, open and maybe, more happy. And while my loving family is posting comments on my facebook reminding me to keep some love left for Holland, I’m looking out my office window viewing the table mountain during another sunny day. But who knows, maybe everything becomes ordinary eventually.

If not……… I’m sorry mommy…….